If you haven’t yet,
listen to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie read Chuka.
"…That I broke up with Chuka because I could no longer ignore that exquisite ache of wanting to love a lovely person that I do not love.”
Reading Chuka was like reliving old moments, and I couldn't help but notice the various cues of growth and relate them to my own life.
I think what struck me the most about Chuka is how it mirrors the non-linear nature of growth. A lot of times, growth is about learning to sit with our past, our regrets, and the versions of ourselves that still exist in someone else’s memory.
Many of us, like Chia, have found ourselves caught between nostalgia and reality, between what was and what is. We wonder what could’ve been and if we made the right choices, even though we know that the truth is, not every story in our lives will have a clear ending. Some relationships will fade without explanation, some dreams will shift into different forms, and some parts of our past will always remain with the “what ifs.”
At this point, growth is no longer about tying everything into a clean conclusion but about accepting the ambiguity and finding ways to move forward regardless.
Chia’s return to the memory of Chuka is layered with tension, between the regret and the desire for companionship. To me, it’s a reminder that reflection is both a gift and a burden. We grow by looking back, by understanding our past selves, and by acknowledging our mistakes and joys alike. But at what point does reflection hold us back instead of helping us move forward?
Many of us struggle with this balance. We replay past conversations, dissect old relationships, and romanticise versions of ourselves that no longer fit. But Chuka suggests that growth isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about carrying it with us in a way that shapes, rather than limits, who we become.
I think the best part of the story is that at the end of Chuka, there’s no grand resolution, no moment of perfect clarity. And that’s what makes it so real. Life rarely gives us the closure we crave. Instead, we’re forced to learn to live with open-ended chapters, with stories that may never find their final sentence.
So, what does growth look like when the path isn’t clear?
Accepting uncertainty: Not all relationships, career choices, or personal evolutions will come with a clear ending or destination. Growth is about moving forward despite not having all the answers.
Letting go of the need for closure: Some goodbyes will be incomplete or even nonexistent. Some stories will remain open-ended. Rather than seek finality, focus on what the experience has taught you.
Embracing the present: While reflection is valuable, we can’t live entirely in the past. Chuka’s story reminds us to engage with life as it is now, as opposed to what it used to be or what we wish it had been.
Chuka is the perfect reminder that growth is often quiet and imperfect. It doesn’t always come in the form of a breakthrough moment. It’s in the slow acceptance of what we cannot change, in the ability to sit with unfinished stories, and in the courage to move forward without knowing exactly where we’ll end up.
As we navigate our own lives, I hope we learn to grow not just through certainty but through the beautiful, messy, unfinished stories we carry with us.
Ask yourself: What unfinished stories am I learning to live with?
lulu’s recs of the week
A few things to check out in your free time 👀
To read
The Misogyny is always around the corner on That New News
I Stopped Chasing Perfection – Here’s Why Owning My Body Feels So Much Better on Service95
To listen
From Surviving to Thriving: How we’re breaking Generational Cycles and Birthing New Ones by To My Sisters
The Truth About Healing by What in the 20’s?
Lulu’s Yap station: The best podcast EVER🙂↔️