the art of starting over
again, and again, and again...
I remember the exact moment I knew I had to start over again. I was taking in the darkness in my home office, thinking about the me I no longer recognised. The weight of uncertainty pressed against my chest, and for a brief second, I considered turning back, settling for the familiar discomfort of what I knew before. But something deep inside I knew.
I thought I was getting over the fear. I really did. After all, I had done it before—walked away, started anew, reinvented myself. The first time was terrifying, the second time slightly less so, and by the third, I convinced myself I had mastered the art of starting over.
Yet, here I am. On the edge again, with the fear still here. It’s in my head like a song stuck on repeat, filling my mind with doubts I thought I’d silenced. What if I fail? What if this isn't the right move? What if i’m just running away? What if something bad happens?
Well, here’s what I’ve learnt. Starting over never really gets easier. The discomfort doesn’t disappear. It evolves; changes its form every time you start anew. The uncertainty is always there, waiting for the perfect time to creep in and test you, to see if you’ll push past it one more time. And maybe that’s the point—but I still don’t get it.
One would think that with enough practice, I’d eventually become fearless. I’ll actually be able to start afresh without feeling sick to my stomach. Apparently, the real skill isn’t fearlessness; it’s resilience.
It’s accepting the fear, sitting with the discomfort, and choosing to move forward anyway. It’s allowing yourself to stumble, to mourn what was, and to wonder what might be without allowing them to paralyse you, no matter how hard.
So, if you find yourself in this situation—on the verge of a fresh start, feeling like you're not brave enough or that you should be braver than you are—remember that you are not alone. The fear may never leave, but neither will your ability to overcome it.
Starting over is an art, and much like any artist, you get better by working with your mistakes rather than erasing them. By accepting the mistakes, uncertainties, and messiness of it all. Because this is where growth happens. That’s where change begins.
And so, we begin again.
lulu’s recs for the week
A few things to check out in your free time 👀
To read
At The Growth Club, we’re reading “Get out of your head” by Jennie Allen this month.
Why you think you’re not growing: This was one of my Substack reads for the week, and I enjoyed reading it.
To watch
Nobody wants this: It was so refreshing to see a good portrayal of healthy relationships, which is quite overlooked in mainstream storytelling. It was a reminder that drama doesn’t have to come from toxicity, but rather from real-life challenges navigated with care and understanding.
Apple Cider Vinegar: This series continues the work of exposing the dark side of influencer culture and wellness scams. If you don’t already, it’ll make you question how easily misinformation spreads in the digital age. I absolutely loved it.
They’re both available on Netflix.
To listen
Lulu’s Yap station: The best podcast EVER🙂↔️
As always, I wish you the best week ahead!
Love, Lu.